Self Sabotage... What Is It and How Do I Stop It?

What is this thing we call SELF SABOTAGE? Where does it come from? Why does it exist? And most importantly… how do we stop it??

If you’ve payed any attention, you might have noticed that self-sabotage shows up when you are trying to make significant change. And actually, it doesn’t even have to be significant... any type of change can set it off. Have you also noticed that once you are aware of your self-sabotaging behaviors you also seem to add on a couple of layers of shame and guilt?

Well, I’m here to let you know it doesn't have to be that way.

Let’s look at this self-sabotaging behavior a little closer.

If you were to look back at any of your past (or current) self-sabotaging incidents, they would all have one thing in common. Each incident would be accompanied by a recent change. And those changes, no matter how committed you were to creating them, still seemed to defy even your best intentions, strategies, hacks, and willpower. And what is worse you felt like there was no one to blame but yourself. I mean who else could you blame for your lack of follow-through and success? Oh, wait, you DID try to blame someone else… probably your mom… or maybe your partner. Because seriously, you were totally ready to make the change and were even really excited about it! So why, right when you felt like you were making some progress, did you seemingly start to get in your way at every turn?

Let me tell you why.

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When you first initiate change of any degree you might initially feel excitement and pride in what you are working towards accomplishing. You have made the decision and taken action. And that excitement feels great until your brain realizes that something is wrong with the status quo. Your conscious mind (your pre-frontal cortex) the part that can plan, worked so diligently to make this change and then with the slightest sign of distress or discomfort (which can be caused by any type of change) your lizard brain took over.

Your lizard brain or limbic system is designed specifically to keep you safe and out of harms way. So when change creates discomfort your brain goes into default mode and has one specific job… returning you to the status quo. Undoing the discomfort and getting you back to a place of recognition and comfort. How does it do that? It sneakily triggers actions that work counter productive to what you are trying to change. It’s sole purpose is doing whatever it can to get you back to your comfort zone.

Although you might be thinking there is no way to escape your default setting, I have good news. There are ways to override that default setting.

So this is the new plan I want you to adopt.

Next time you realize you may be sabotaging your efforts remind yourself that you are actually just trying to protect yourself. Be compassionate with yourself and remind yourself it is a natural result of self-preservation and a built in body guard. Use this knowledge and compassion to interrupt the self-sabotaging pattern. Remind yourself that you want more than the status quo. Remind yourself that the discomfort created by the changes you are trying to make are not permanent. Remind yourself that you can tolerate the discomfort temporarily and remind yourself that the discomfort does not put you in any harm's way. Remind yourself that you are loving yourself into your next stage.

Feel confident in knowing that the discomfort you are feeling is a positive sign you are moving in the right direction. That alone may help stop you from sabotaging your efforts moving forward. And if that's not enough... Well then, you have me. ;)

If you are struggling to make changes in your life and want some new resources, tools, and weekly accountability, let's get on a call and set up a game plan. It may sound corny, but I truly would be honored to help you love yourself to your next level.