Creating and Owning Self-Expectations
Expectations are a funny thing.
For many years I felt stifled by the expectations that others had for me. I would fantasize about moving away to somewhere no one would know me, just so I could start fresh. I could then create the person I knew I was meant to be without anyone else’s needs getting in the way.
The last time I wrote a blog about expectations, it really opened my eyes to the fact that the expectations that were really holding me back were my own. I was having expectations that others would be having expectations of me. (Insert brain exploding emoji here)
Talk about your thoughts about other people (ok, I will say it, judgments) mirroring your own imperfections couldn’t be more spot on in that case!
That blog was probably the start to me taking ownership of the idea that if I wanted to change, the only person that could stop me was myself! And the only expectations that could get in the way were my own.
I started understanding that the expectations I thought others were placing on me, were actually judgments I had about myself. Who do you think you are to want more? Why can’t you love yourself just the way you are? You can’t wear that, you’re not sexy enough. What? Lash extensions? You’re not pretty enough! You can’t own an Audi; you can’t afford one! You can’t live in a loft; you’re not cool enough. You can’t quit your job, that’s so irresponsible! You can’t run your own business; you’re not organized, smart, disciplined, or creative enough!
Radu Florin on Unsplash
Guess what. I never ended up having any of those thoughts above because of the work I’ve done since I wrote that last blog on expectations. Because I never had any of those thoughts, I was able to create thoughts that were the total opposite! I was able to create thoughts that brought each of those things too me, instead of blaming other people for why they couldn’t happen.
It’s been a few years now since I posted that last blog on expectations and one other significant thing happened along the way… One of my coaches flat out just asked who I wanted to be. And in addition to that, she provided me a list of questions to really get me thinking about the women I had not yet fully been able to capture in my imagination. The interesting thing is I had no idea who I wanted to be, even if I could be her. Maybe all those years looking through the victim’s perspective was a way for me to avoid doing the work that needed to be done to figure out just who it was I wanted to be.
That list of questions ended up creating magic. The questions were not easy to answer. It was not a one sitting and done kind of job. It was a fill it in a little at a time, think about it, make some changes, get more clarity, make some more changes, kind of job.
Even now, when I go back to it, I find myself making more changes to it. As you grow, you give yourself the ability to dream and think bigger and more audaciously. As you start achieving the desires you had created for yourself and your life, you discover what you thought you wanted may not be what you still desire. You also start to create confidence in your ability to actually become that person because you start seeing how your life begins to parallel the life you are seeking.
13 months ago, I made another “fresh start.” I quit a cushy, well-paid, job with the FBI. Turns out that list of questions, and meeting my future self, empowered me to embrace my desire to create a life coaching business and totally go for it. The difference with this “fresh start” is this time, as I started to create the new me, the only expectations I had were those of my own. Believe me, when you quit your job, sell your stuff, and move away from “home” you get a lot of sideways glances. But this time instead of my mind worrying about what those people were thinking of me, my mind was thinking about what I thought of myself. It no longer mattered what I thought other people thought, because I was more focused on what I thought.
I’m not saying this journey to create my new business has been easy, but what I can tell you is that I have felt completely empowered to make my own decisions and rules along the way. All those decisions have been completely mine. They have not been tainted or shadowed by other people’s needs… or by what I thought other people expected of me.
So, I want you to ask yourself how are you showing up? Who are you showing up as? Are you telling yourself any lies? Have you created any stories that have taken you out of the loop of responsibility when it comes to living your life? Are you blaming anyone else for not doing something you want to do? Are you holding someone else responsible for the lack of action you are taking on your dreams? Who or what are you telling yourself is the reason you can’t be exactly who it is you want to be?
That last blog post was my big ah ha discovery. I want this blog post to be your big ah ha! I want you to walk away from this having an entirely new perspective. I want you to finish reading this with a spark of hope and excitement for the real possibility of moving toward your desires. I want you to finally be able to see that you are the only person truly holding yourself back! And I want you to feel inspired to start living the life you’ve always wanted to live.
If you want this for yourself, and just don’t know HOW to get there I am here to help you. Take a chance on yourself! I’ve provided you a link below to schedule an illumination call. Let’s get you started on your own journey! <3